Below are a few pages taken from the book that might be of interest to you.

A Delicate Balance p. 14

Guidelines for communicating with your child:

• Spend time with your adolescent.
• Be available when your child is ready to talk. Late at night may be the best time for discussion.
• Make eye contact. Listen attentively. Acknowledge your child's feelings and statements from time to time--a single word is often best, as in "Oh"..."Mmmm..."I see".
• Talk about what your child wants to talk about.
• Talk less and listen more. Don't interrupt with comments or questions.
• Listen to what is spoken and what is unspoken. Watch for nonverbal cues. Children sometimes have trouble finding the words to express their feelings. Be patient--the words will come.
• Don't give in to the urge to lecture. Don't give advice unless asked.
• Learn to apologize for your child.

A Delicate Balance p. 32

How to tell if there is a problem

The symptoms of alcohol, tobacco, and drug dependency are seldom clear cut. During the early stages, there may be little evidence that your child is using drugs. Be alert to causes for reasonable concern.

THE FOLLOWING BEHAVIORS MAY SIGNAL CHRONIC DRUG OR ALCOHOL USE. One or two of these behaviors alone may just be caused by normal adolescent anguish. They may also signal other problems, such as depression or eating disorders. On the other hand, two or more of them which don't go away may be signals that your child needs prompt and loving intervention

Be alert to the following warning signs in your child:

• A drop in grades. This may happen wither slowly or suddenly.
• Different friends. Are you seeing different friends, more friends to whom you object, or are you no longer meeting your child's friends?
• Emotional highs and lows. Does your child's emotional state change even more rapidly than usual, or does your child seem less happy and more defensive than before?
• A short temper, defiance to rules and regulations. Is your child pushing the limits, not doing chores, or showing more anger or hostility when criticized?
• Secretive behavior. Has your child stopped sharing personal information with you?
• Loss if Initiative. Does your child have less energy and sleep more?
• Withdrawal from family activities- Is your child avoiding meals, church, trips?
• Changes in physical hygiene, weight, or facial coloring.
• Not informing you about school activities. Is your child hoping that you won't find out about open houses, teacher conferences, suspensions, or warnings?
• Staying out late. Is your child presenting constant excuses for not coming home on time or not coming home at all?
• Isolation. Is your child spending more time behind a closed bed room door?
• Missing alcohol or money. Have you or other members of your family noticed missing items?
• Selling possessions. Has your child sold clothing, records, or gifts? Or does your child seem to have money without having a job?
• Legal problems. Has your child been cited for driving while under the influence, or had curfew violations? Has your child been at parties which were broken up by the police?
• Denial. Does your child say that everything is OK even though something is obviously wrong?

The Driving Contract p. 86

I,___________________, on this day, do agree to the stipulations stated below rendering me the privilege of driving my parents' cars. If at any time, I violate this said agreement, the driving will be forfeited to the extent and degree of violation.

1. I will drive responsibly and within posted speed limits. Any tickets or damages not covered by insurance are my responsibility alone.
2. I will obey legal restrictions on number of passengers and curfew. All passengers will wear their seat belts
3. I will not drive under the influence of alcohol or drugs and will not allow anyone in my car who does. I understand I will be held responsible for anyone doing this in my car.
4. I will not use my cell phone while driving nor will I text while driving.
5. I will take responsibility for the care of the car as agreed upon with my parents. I have read the above agreement and discussed its contents with my parents. I sign this agreement to abide by the stipulations to have the privilege to drive. I respect that driving is a privlege, granted by the state and my parents. Any modifications must be in writing and initiated by both parties

_____________________________________________________________Young Driver.

____________________________________________________________Parents or Guardian

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Book Testimonials

“I was given the book "A Delicate Balance" by Parents Council of Nashville as our oldest child entered fifth grade. It was small so I decided to keep it in the car to scan while waiting for hook up or a lesson. I was impressed with the broad spectrum of topics covered in a concise, factual presentation. In nine years of "waiting" I have now read the book through many times. Thanks to PCN for compiling this information for parenting reference unique to the Nashville area.”

Lisa Z. Manning     

PCN Speakers on DVD/Videotape (pdf).
         Contact Susan Henry for more information.

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